Have you ever found yourself driving completely out of your way to pick somebody up when it would have been better for both parties to drive themselves?
Have you ever spent your Saturday helping your sister’s boyfriend’s mother-in-law’s aunt with tedious yard work instead of heading to the ball game or working on your own yard?
In fact, if you’ve ever found yourself muttering or even screaming the words “Why I am doing this?” then this article is for you.
You are about to be let in on one of the best kept secrets of mankind: The ability to get what you want without asking. You will also learn how to be aware of when this is happening to you.
This is a 5-step process:
(1) Compliment: Compliment him on something he has done in the past. This is perhaps the most important step. This works best if you are complimenting him on something that relates to what you are going to get him to do. For example, if I want a buddy of mine to help me install a new pool filter, I might compliment him on his recent handiwork with Jacuzzi pump systems. The more you stress his skills and the more related the compliment is what you want, the higher the success rate.
(2) Explain What You Want: …but do not ask for anything. Just present your overall goal. At this point in the above example, I would say something like “Yeah, I’m looking at installing a new pool filter. The old one just crashed on me.” Short and sweet. State your goal, that’s it.
(3) Coax Optimism: Here you want to get your buddy to make an optimistic comment about what you want from him. You can achieve this by guiding him with some slight manipulation. Again, using the example from above, I would say something like “Wouldn’t it be perfect if I could get this pool filter installed for the party this weekend?” To go on from here, he must say “yes.” In a vast majority of cases, he will say “yes” to maintain the equilibrium of the conversation.
(4) Bait and Hook: This is the hard part. If it’s not going to go your way, it’ll be decided here. You have his attention. You’ve put him on a higher plane, which in my case is the plane of exceptional pump installers, and he wants to stay there. Now tell him that it’s not possible or it’s very, very, difficult. In my example, I would probably say “Installing that pump is too difficult anyway. No one can install those things!”
(5) Patience, Grasshopper: Do not say another word. Do not change the subject. Just turn a little bit and act as if you are done talking about it all together. The majority of the time, you’ll soon hear the wonderful words: “Let me see what I can do…” or “Let me give it a try…”
As if by some magical force, you have just gotten your buddy to help you out without even asking.
Use your new power sparingly. Too often and your friends may catch on.
Image by mamamusings